Courage friends, courage!

Courage is key. Fear is what holds us back, what tricks us into believing when we shouldn't, or not-believing when we should. Fear is the bogey man, the one who holds us captive.

Fear affects everyone, so dealing with it is a major concern of the therapeutic process. One of the major influences on my practice is a man named James Bugental. He articulated beautifully the process of overcoming the fear of actually being with ourselves.

James Bugental wrote many books about the process of therapy, emphasizing that therapy holds the possibility of teaching us how to be with ourselves, not just know about ourselves.

It takes time, patience, and courage to be present with oneself, to face the things that have been lurking. In that process, issues we thought we had put away can suddenly surface quickly; or there are themes we begin to notice about where our mind goes when we feel certain emotions.

This is the exciting part of therapy, whether individual or couples: discovery. It is what keeps the process alive, fresh, inspiring, and life-affirming.

I really enjoy the books of Paulo Coelho for this reason. His books stir the heart, encourage courage, and affirm life. This is what I strive to do in my work with clients, and hopefully I get there sometimes.

What we share

I noticed today that I follow and read a lot of blogs written by people who do not live where they were born; I am fascinated by the ex-pat, it would seem. One of my very favorites is written by a French woman who lives in the United States. And though I have a feeling that her blog would be just as beautiful if she were living in her native France, I wonder if she would have ever come to write it.

It seems to me that blogs often serve as a kind of travel log, and for many they have turned life into a journey, or allowed it to redeem itself back into one. I do love a good food blog, but the ones I enjoy most involve narrative, discovery, and the delight--on the part of the writer--of finding something new.

Longing to get away, be away, run away, is a symptom of burnout, or the result of it, or both. When we feel down, stuck, or aren't feeling at all, our minds (very naturally) turn to wondering what is the trouble.

Do I need to find a new job? I really, do, actually, dislike my house/city/car/partner. Something needs to change! But what is it? If I could only figure it out...

This effort to "figure out" what's wrong is the hallmark of being stuck in our minds. When we are trying to use the very thing that has us stuck to figure out how to get unstuck, we are truly in the labyrinth. And not the good kind.

Rather than trying to figure something out, writing about life, whether in a blog, letter, or journal entry, can be very therapeutic. It brings to life perspective, helps us see what is happening from a different vantage point, and encourages us to highlight the positive. Which is what therapists try to get their clients to do every day!

The bloggers I really enjoy write about the celebrations of life, post pictures of what they're most proud of, focus on what feels good and true in their life. I have to remember as I read them, though, that these folks are just folks, and that what I am seeing is not them, but the things about their life and self that they love most. It is so easy to get caught up in making someone you admire a super-human when they are not. No one is!

So the next time you are reading a blog and perhaps simultaneously enjoying it and muttering under your breath about how 'of course it's great to live in beautiful french village' remember that a blog is not a whole person, it is what they are choosing to share. And chances are, it is a way in which they are enriching and dealing with their own life. Which is a human life, full of folly and foibles, pain, disappointment, and the days where things just don't go right. Just like the rest of us!

Winng the Lottery

What is work and what is not work are questions that perplex the wisest of men.

    ~The Bhagavad-Gita

We live in difficult times.

Sigh.  Oh yes, we do.

Financial woes, environmental disaster, existential angst.  What's an American to do?

Win the lottery! Yes, that is an excellent solution.  Ha ha.  Shrug, sigh.  Seen any good movies lately?

What?  Is this the best solution we can come up with?  C'mon, we're Americans!  We can do better than that.  I have a solution, and it's good for your mental health, too:

Work.

Yes, work.  Work!

Instead of waiting, wondering, and complaining: let's just get down to work and working and digging into our own lives.  A victory garden for every mind and heart!  Yes.

Ah, but it is so easy, so easy right there to feel overwhelmed.  I don't want to, damnit!  I can't.  I won't.  It won't matter.  If I could just win the lottery.... ha ha.... shrug.  Have you watched any good shows on Hulu lately?

Wait wait wait.  What is it exactly that we need?  How can we be so sure we don't have it?

More.  More resource, more time, just a little more, just enough, just until, just more!

More.  BP wanted more, too. What kinds of sacrifices do we make everyday in the name of needing more?  Are we sure that more is the key?

We assume that with this more will come happiness (we wouldn't want it otherwise).  I need more!

We tire of work.  I'm burned out.  But are we truly working?  What is it to work? What is the American dream?  Is it a folly, a delusion, a pastime?

Or is there something to "pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps" and just getting down to it; to forgetting about why and how and if and when, and just working because it is in that very action, that process, that we find identity, fulfillment, and peace.

The American dream has been defined in many ways: a house, two kids, a car, a picket fence, an iphone, whatever.   But I believe it has to do with the freedom to work, and the inner freedom that comes with that.  With the freedom to be responsible for one's own life, and to live out the fruits or follies of that life--not for wealth necessarily, but for self.  For the experience of being alive.

Someone else said it better:

    You have the right to work, but for the work's sake only.

    You have no right to the fruits of work. Desire for the fruits of work must never be your motive in working. Never give way to laziness, either.

     Perform every action with your heart fixed on the Supreme Lord. Renounce attachment to the fruits.

    Be even tempered in success and failure; for it is this evenness of temper which is meant by yoga.

   Work done with anxiety about results is far inferior to work done without such anxiety, in the calm of self-surrender. Seek refuge in the knowledge of Brahman. They who work selfishly for results are miserable.

                                                                       ~Bhagavad-Gita Mahabharata

This isn't about having a job and working nine to five.  Work is whatever is before you in your day.  It is your life--let's live!  Let's work.